There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
