I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
