Yo dont text me then not text me
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
