so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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