we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
