this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
