carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
