I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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