Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
