Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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