what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
