I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
worst night to have a conscience
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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