Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
