Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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