Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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