you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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