rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
