Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
