i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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