Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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