I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
