____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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