Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
