took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
