Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
