I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
