Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
