just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
