The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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