Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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