hell yes lets make some ravioli
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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