so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Sober January is a disaster.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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