We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
my god I love twenty year old dicks
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
