I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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