Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
