the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
