it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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