I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
