I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
