I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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