I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How drunk are you?
Completed.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
