My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
