I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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