girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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