I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
