I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
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after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My vagina is very pro this idea
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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