Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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