He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
