Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
