I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
