Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
