Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can you bring me the toilet please
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
