I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I can't turn off my feet"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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