i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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