My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
