3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
