I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Randomize
