I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say