Having a random hookup so left but love u
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
