i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
