nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
