My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
