He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize