I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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