i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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