I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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