How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
