why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
