hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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