Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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