I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
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I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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