you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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