He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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