tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
